Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Hello Gemini, you psychopath. Why don’t you sit still and relax once in awhile? You should take a break from partying and indulging in endless nights of debauchery. You should also stop sleeping around, you slut. Stop cheating on your significant other just because domestic life bores you. You have no business being in a relationship, Gemini. Quit wasting people’s time.

If you are looking for a peaceful night at home, where you can just sit by the fireplace and read that great book you’ve been excited about, you better hope a Gemini isn’t your roommate. The phrase, “Life is a Party” was invented by a Gemini.

The Good

If you want to have the time of your life, you better believe a Gemini will make sure that happens. Everyone should experience life through the eyes of a Gemini.

Gemini’s are very creative, therefore are mainly involved in the arts. You will hardly find a Gemini in the corporate world, because to them it’s complete and total bullshit. The people that get fired the most are Gemini’s.

The Bad

Gemini’s are generally very irresponsible. They are either drug addicts, alcoholics, or sexually confused. The Twins never want to grow up. They avoid responsibility like it’s cancer. Many high school dropouts are Gemini’s.

You will never want to make an enemy out of a Gemini. They will stop at nothing to make sure you and everyone you have ever known, pay for it. Like Taurus, Gemini’s will pull out every skeleton in your closet and make them dance.

Most people that talk behind your back are Gemini’s. They will stab you in the front and the back, guilt free. They don’t care. Gemini’s are unscrupulous bastards.

Relationships

The Gemini Man: Like Taurus, Gemini’s physical demands are very high. At least a Taurus will be polite if a less than perfect woman is trying to get their attention, but a Gemini Man will not give you a second glance if you aren’t a perfect ten. If you want to entertain a Gemini man, be sure you talk about ten different topics at once. Never schedule anything, and be as spontaneous as you possibly can. Talk only if you know what you are talking about. Gemini Men are unbelievably intelligent, and will challenge you if you are just talking out of your ass.

Prepare for lots of traveling when dating a Gemini Man. You last minute trip to Vegas was probably planned by a Gemini.

Gemini Men love to be in love, but they don’t want to be tied down. What you see is what you get, and they will not readjust themselves to your liking. You’re either on the bus, or your off. Gemini Men don’t like it when things run too smoothly. They will pick fights with you if things get too boring or routine. Gemini’s gave birth to every asshole we have in this world.

Gemini Women: Gemini Women are generally whores. They will have at least three lovers on the shelf. It is because of the Gemini Woman that all guy’s think women are cold hearted bitches.

You are attracted to a Gemini Woman because she is exceptionally witty and can hold your attention for hours. They are more turned on by intelligence than emotions. If you are a big dummy, than don’t even think about dating a Gemini Woman. If you are a manly man that’s looking for a stay at home wife to take care of the kids, than you found the wrong girl. They might only agree to it if you allow them to have a few threesomes with random strangers.

Gemini’s And Sex

The Gemini Man: The Male Twins are more turned on by the idea having sex than the actual act itself. They are the one’s that tease you endlessly about how they are going to devour you, without actually doing it. Once they finally have you, it’s over before you know it. The Quickie was invented by a Gemini Man.

Some Gemini Men are very kinky. The have some really strange turn-ons. Those of you who are reading this know exactly what I’m talking about. I never thought people use the props in the sex stores, but Gemini’s sure do. They should use all they energy they have when they’re talking, to bettering their bedroom skills, seriously. People who will argue against all this will surely be a Gemini.

The Gemini Woman: The Female Twins are far more exciting then the Male Twins, thank god. They are far more experimental and daring then their male counterparts. You know that couple that have sex in a cab? No doubt, that fellow’s girlfriend was a Gemini.

Sex will happen on her time. The Gemini Female orchestrates when and where you get laid, no arguments. Your cooperation will be greatly rewarded. She will never run out of ways to turn you on. The greater thing to admire is that a Gemini Female feels no shame about her sexual quirks. Most men wish their girlfriends were Geminis.

How to Get Rid Of A Gemini

Be boring. Have long winded conversations with them. Go to the same places over and over again. If you really want to piss them off, ignore them. May god have mercy on your soul.

Advice for Gemini

This is pointless. Most Geminis will not make it far in my post.