Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Hi Libra, you complete and total dumbass. Do you wanna go to the beach or the pool? Dive bar, or a club? You don’t know, I hear you saying? Correct answer Libra! You never know what the hell you want! I want to beat you with my shoe Libra! Is it too much to ask for you to make a decision? Don’t you have a mind of your own? Why don’t you take control for once? God damn it!

The Good

Libras are tons of fun! They are the most charming of human species, and they don’t have enemies. Like Leo, Libras know how to look good. They are social creatures, and love to have conversations. The thing that is too be admired about Libra is that they like to remain positive, and seek positive hobbies. Everything they look at and touch have to happy or beautiful or pleasant. Rainbow Brite was a Libra.

The most prominent characteristic of a Libra, is their sense of beauty and the arts. They constantly douse themselves in the most beautiful jewelry, perfume, cologne, clothing, and anything else they can get their hands on. Everything they touch and see has to be impeccable.

The Bad

Aside from diarrhea of the mouth, Libras have shit for brains, and they are compulsive liars.  

Relationships

Libra Man:  Oh, the charm!!!!   It's very easy to fall in love with a Libra Man.  If you ever wanted that type of man that helps you around the house, than you found him. Libra Men don’t screw around. They demand longevity, and seldom waste their time on short term affairs.  Most guys that watch chick flick with their girlfriends are Libras.

You’ll be happy with the sign of the Scales, as long as you don’t introduce drama in their lives. Libras in general are known to prefer an environment full of harmony and balance.

He is susceptible to charm, so as long as you stroke his ego, you will almost always get what you want out of him.

Libra Woman: Like the male, you will never find a Libra Woman single. They don’t like it. They too strive for long term results when in a relationship.

Libra Women are very picky when it comes to their men. You will have to be as gorgeous as she is, because she will wear you like an accessory when you go out together. Yes, Libra Women think like men.

If you are a corporate schmuck, don’t even think about looking at a Libra Woman. They find the “white collar” worker boring and dull. They seek out musicians, or actors…somebody in the arts.

Libras and Sex

Libra Men:  If you enjoy being jackhammered half to death (and I know 90% of you ladies do), than Libra is your man.  He will rip you to shreds, and open you up petal by petal at the same time.  The reason you are not able to walk the next day is because you've just had sex with a Libra.

Libra Women: Like the Leo Female, the Libra Woman insists that sex is some extravagant show. They really like to get in the mood and do the whole lingerie thing, so make sure you appreciate every detail. You’re going to have to tell them how beautiful they look and how thier silky hair gives you goose bumps or some shit like that. They too, like the male Libras, do not like to be rushed in this ritual of love. If you’re into the ass slapping, hair pulling kind of lovemaking, than you are with the wrong woman.

How to get rid of a Libra

This is going to be easy. Complain about everything. Dress like a pig. Take them to McDonald’s. Never compliment them.

Advice for Libra

Stop spending so much money. Not everything has to be made by a well known designer. Check out the Goodwill once in awhile. Make up your mind! Stop being so gullible.  Honesty is good sometimes.