Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Greetings Pisces! When you decide to come back from Never-Never Land, there is full life in a planet called "reality" that is waiting for you. Stop thinking that you got dealt a bad hand in life. We are all in hell with you! No, no…put down the bottle and pills. It's gonna be okay! Quit being a bitch and make sure you pass the message to Cancer. When you get out of your magical turtoise shell, I have a few things to say to you Pisces!!!

The Good

The Fishies are friendly and engaging. They make it a point to steer clear from drama and negativity. They also seem to exist in their weirdness amongst normal people without distraction.  They are usually proud of who they are, and don't buy into the social norms of what is "acceptable".  They are wildly intelligent and articulate.  Most nerds are Pisces.  

The Bad
Weak and easily manipulated. They have little to no willpower.   Like the Cancer, their anger is tightly bottled which can explode in a violent rage.  As sweet and adorable as they are, it is not wise to physically threaten a Pisces.  They need to unleash that hidden fury somehow, even if it happens to be your face.  I think I should have put that last sentence in the section above.  

Relationships

Pisces Man: If you want a date someone who likes to talk about "feelings" then look no further.  The Pisces Man has dinner and conversation down to a science. If you had a bad day at work, make sure you don't bring that mess to your Pisces Man. They will snap their fingers in Z formation and tell you to git! There is no room for drama and negativity in Wonderland!!!  

Pisces Woman: The female Pisces is not much different then their male counterparts. They are equally as engaging, if not more than the male fish.  Dating a Pisces woman is a breath of fresh air.  They are funny, talkative, and will make you feel like a manly man since they constantly need to feel protected and safe.  You might feel like you are dating your mother because the Pisces woman likes to fully nurture her man.

Pisces and Sex

Pisces Man:  The Pisces male likes to take his time before he opens that door, because sex really isn't a big deal to them.  They need to feel that deep soulful connection before any naked bond is to be made.  Once you break that door open with your hungry cooch, (or penis) you will find that the male fishy is actually quite kinky and into role playing, which makes sense since they have that vivid imagination from all their years in OZ.

Pisces Woman: Not much difference here in the females.  They love to cuddle (Aries, look away) and engage in endless nights of pillow talk.  They too are kinky like their male counterpart, but definitely more physical.   Your Pisces Woman will put on a show for you, no doubt.  However, like the male, you won't get what you want until you have put your entire back into it.   Don't sneer!  If it's too easy to get, it's not really worth getting is it?

How to get rid of a Pisces

Do not sugarcoat. Create lots of drama (I'm looking at you Taurus). Discourage their ideas. Tell them to stop digging in their closet for Narnia.

Advice for Pisces

Speak up!  Stop drinking so much!  If you're going through a tough time, talk about it.  You don't have to pop a bitch in their mouth!